Things to Know About Foster Parenting
By Michele Blandino
So, you want to be a foster parent? Given that there are approximately half a million children in the foster care system at any given time and only 125,000 families currently licensed to care for them, there is an obvious need for people to open their hearts and homes. But let’s face it, raising children, even your own, is a difficult task; what makes someone want to take on the added responsibility of raising someone else’s child(ren)?
Ask any foster parent why they took on this challenge and you are likely to get a number of answers. For many, the idea of making a difference in the life of another child may be appealing. Some enter the foster care system with the hope of being able to eventually adopt a child. In fact, about two-thirds of children entering foster care are eventually adopted by a foster family. Others are “empty nesters” longing to once again fill their homes with the laughter and activity of small children. Whatever the reason, before taking the step that could forever change not only your life, but the lives of your family and the children you will welcome into your home, take the time to ask yourself one basic question: is it the right thing for me and for my family?
How to Decide
The first step is to make a frank self-assessment of your reasons for wanting to become a foster parent. Ask yourself, can I be part of the solution for a child’s life or will I add to their misery?
According to foster care advocates, foster parents are usually able to make a difference in a child’s life if they are able to do three things. First, foster parents must have the ability to love a child unconditionally. Second, they must be willing to look beyond the issues and turmoil that a child might bring into the home to find strengths and talents that are waiting to be nurtured and developed. Finally, foster parents must be able to offer the child hope for the future.
The next step is to understand that the child coming to you does so after having undergone physical and/or emotional abuse that is often beyond comprehension. It is the job of the foster parent to help that child learn how to trust again, provide guidance when confronted with a complex situation and offer positive reinforcement every step along the way.
Consider Your Own Family’s Needs
Another factor potential foster parents need to consider is the effect on their own family. It is important that before the decision is made to bring foster children into the home that any children already there understand the effect of having a foster child might have in terms of having to share bedrooms, closet space, toys, and mom and dad’s time.
And, if you spend an appreciable amount of time with extended family, you will want to consider their feelings as well. Chances are, your family will react in one of two ways; either they will be very supportive and loving or they will question your sanity.
Another consideration that is often overlooked is the family’s financial situation. While foster families are given a monthly stipend, the amount varies greatly from state to state. Some states also offer a clothing allowance in addition to the stipend. And, while medical coverage is provided for the children, it sometimes doesn’t cover everything. If the child coming into the home is a baby, there will be diapers and formula to buy. For older children, there will be the cost of food, school supplies, and entertainment. Given all of this, it’s easy to see that there will likely be a need for the family to take on what could amount to a significant added expense.
Another important factor in your decision should be the level of commitment you feel you can provide. While some foster parents are needed for short-term placements lasting several days or weeks, others are needed to care for children for several years. Are you the type of person who easily becomes attached? If so, then perhaps you should state your preference for a child who will need long-term care.
How to Proceed
Now, let’s say you are comfortable with everything discussed so far, and are still willing to proceed. Certification requirements differ from state to state, as well as among agencies (i.e. state run agencies may have different requirements than their private counterparts). In general though, before you can be certified to provide foster care, you will probably need to submit to an in-depth personal evaluation which may include questions about your finances, health, family, employment, friends, personal accomplishments and aptitude for dealing with difficult children. You can also expect a background check for criminal activity, sexual offenses and child abuse. Finally, your home will likely be inspected to ensure it is safe and has sufficient living and bed-space. You can also expect regular (and sometimes, unannounced) visits from caseworkers after children have been placed in your home to ensure certain conditions and standards are maintained. Finally, training will probably be necessary, although the requirements differ from state to state.
