Childrearing: The Art of Teaching Manners

By Michele Blandino

Teaching children about the importance of good manners is often about as productive as trying to teach calculus to a five year-old; they just don’t get it. Yet, early childhood is the perfect time to help instill this important attribute within your child so that they stand a better chance of carrying this habit with them into adulthood.

So, how do you teach manners to your children? Here are some ideas:

• Provide a Good Example: More often than not, children will mimic behaviors they see in adults. If they observe you saying “please” and “thank you” often enough, they will be more likely to acquire this practice as well. Make it a practice of saying “please” and “thank you” even in informal settings such as at home. Be sure to utilize this practice in all of your personal interactions so that your child learns that good manners extend even to those they don’t know. Remember, children learn through repetition; the more they see you doing something, the more likely they will acquire the desired habit as well.
• Give Gentle Reminders: Remind your children to say “please” and “thank you” before dropping them off for a play date or birthday party. Sending them off with this gentle reminder will keep the importance of remembering their manners in the forefront of their minds. Similarly, when you pick them up, ask if they remembered to thank their host or hostess.
• Put it in Writing: As soon as your child learns how to write, let them take charge of writing their own thank you notes. The prose doesn’t have to be fancy or lengthy, the key is that your child acknowledge their gratitude for the gift. For smaller children, homemade cards bearing the child’s artwork can take the place of the traditional written note. Older children may enjoy note cards imprinted with their name.
• Praise Them Often: Positive reinforcement is one of the best tools for encouraging good behavior and habits in children. Be sure to praise your children when they remember to display good manners without being reminded and likewise, point out instances where their behavior might not have been up to your expectations.

It is also very important that you let your child know what is, and isn’t, acceptable behavior. Unfortunately, there are many television shows that portray children as back-talking, mean-spirited individuals which, in turn, gives some children the notion that this is, in fact, acceptable behavior. Taking the time to clearly define what you will and will not tolerate will help your child to avoid mimicking the behaviors they see on television.