Family Relationships: Having the Tough Conversations

By Michele Blandino

Nearly every parent has at one time or another found themselves in the uncomfortable situation of having to talk to their children about a touchy subject. Whether the conversation relates to sex, drugs, alcohol, divorce or some other important matter, it is not uncommon for parents to have a difficult time finding just the right words or the most opportune time to broach the matter at hand.

While parents will probably always find these subjects uncomfortable to discuss, there are some steps you can take to help make the conversation flow as easily as possible.

First, it is important to be sure to speak to the child at their level. For example, if you are answering your six year-old daughter’s questions regarding sex, you will approach it differently than if you were having the same type of conversation with your thirteen year-old daughter. The main difference is that as your child gets older, you will need to be more descriptive and include more details than what would be required if they are younger.

Be Clear About Your Position

When you are discussing a potentially dangerous or illegal situation, it is important that you clearly state your position on the matter to your child. For instance, it is not merely enough to tell your child that they cannot drink because you would prefer that they didn’t, you need to explain to them exactly why underage drinking is wrong and clearly outline the consequences of them taking part in this activity. As you do this, it is important to remember that you should not pass judgment on people who do participate in this activity, especially since as your child gets older, there is a good chance that you might be passing judgment on one of their friends.

Be Truthful

It is also very important that you are truthful with your child, particularly if you are discussing something that directly affects them. For instance, if your child correctly senses that you and your spouse are having marital problems, you should not deny it if they approach you about their suspicions. Doing so will only cause them to lose trust in you when you later tell them the truth. When you do find it necessary to break bad news to your child, it is important that you assure them that you are always available to answer their questions.

Plan Ahead

When you feel that a conversation with your child about a particular topic is inevitable, mentally rehearse what you are going to say so that you are prepared when the opportunity finally presents itself. For a parent, there is nothing worse than being caught off guard; taking time to prepare your answer will help the conversation flow much more smoothly and will help to remove some of the awkwardness from the situation.

Get Their Views

Children typically respond better when they are permitted to give their view on a particular subject, even if in the end, things don’t go their way. For example, rather than simply telling your child they cannot attend an unsupervised party, give them a chance to tell you why they think they should be able to attend. While in the end the final decision rests with you, your child will appreciate being able to provide their view and will feel as though they have had a part in the decision making process.