Ages 3-6: Is it the Right Time for Kindergarten?

By Michele Blandino

For many children, reaching age 5 means it’s time for kindergarten. And so, as the fifth birthday approaches, we parents dutifully pay a visit to the local school and register our children for the upcoming school year. For the majority, this decision is fairly automatic; however, for others, concerns about the child’s academic or social abilities spark doubts about whether it is the appropriate time to make this childhood rite of passage.

How to Decide

Questions about a child’s ability to do the work required of a kindergartner, and as well as questions about the child’s social readiness, should be discussed at length with the child’s preschool or pre-kindergarten teacher. And, while the teacher will either recommend that the child proceed to kindergarten or enroll for another year of pre-kindergarten, the final decision remains with the parents. Many parents are overwhelmed with the enormity of this decision and the effects it may have on the child down the road. Asking the following questions should make the process somewhat easier:

• How strongly does the teacher feel about her recommendation? Schedule a conference (preferably without the child present) to candidly discuss the teacher’s opinion. Leave your parental pride at home and listen with an open mind to what the teacher has to say. Be open to the idea that your child may simply not be ready for the academic or social challenges of kindergarten. This is particularly true for children entering full-day kindergarten. Remember, the teacher regularly sees your child in the classroom setting, so chances are, she will be able to fairly accurately predict how well your child will do at the next level.
• How does your child feel about moving on to kindergarten? Be careful to not underestimate your child’s feelings. While a certain amount of anxiety about making the big step into kindergarten is normal, the child who is overly anxious may not be ready. Talk to your child. Is she enthusiastic about the new school year or does she seem reluctant? Try to identify the source of your child’s reluctance; that may help you decide the best course of action. For example, an overly shy child or a child concerned about her ability to do the work may benefit from an extra year of preparation and confidence building.
• What are the alternatives to kindergarten? See if your school district offers a pre-kindergarten program. If your child is currently enrolled in that program and you are concerned that she might not be adequately challenged by a second year there, talk to the teacher. Teachers commonly vary the curriculum, sometimes significantly, from year to year. You can also seek out other pre-kindergarten programs. Many churches and synagogues offer outstanding pre-kindergarten and kindergarten programs as alternatives to those found in public schools.
• What does your intuition tell you? You know your child best. Take the time to make an honest assessment of your child’s strengths and weaknesses. Is he shy or outgoing? Do you have trouble holding her attention for more than a few minutes at a time or is she easily engaged? How do you think these traits will affect his classroom performance? Think about how you would like your child to benefit from the extra year of preparation. How will you give your child the extra confidence she needs?
• Do you know other parents who have been faced with the same decision? Talk to them. Ask why they made the decision they ultimately made. What factors went into their decision making process? Given a second chance, would they make the same decision?

Chances are after you’ve asked and answered these questions, you will be able to make the best decision for your child. If you are still not sure, schedule a meeting with one of the kindergarten teachers in the school your child will attend. Learn all you can about the curriculum; do you think your child will be up to the challenge? Talk to the teacher about your concerns. Ask her opinion.

If, in the end, you decide it is not the time for kindergarten, be prepared for your decision to be questioned by friends, relatives, and other parents. You will probably question it yourself. However, once the decision has been made, stick with it and remain upbeat. For example, when describing your plans to others, try to avoid the phrase “holding back” and instead use a positive phrase such as “giving him an extra year”. Not only will it make you feel good about the decision you have made for your child, if your child is listening, it will make her feel good, too.