How to Choose a Therapist
By Jim Rue
In the long-titled book, "We've Had a Hundred Years of Psychotherapy - And the World is Getting Worse," co-author James Hillman asserts that "The goal of my therapy is eccentricity, which grows out of the Jungian notion of individuation. Carl Jung says, 'You become what you are.' And nobody is square. We all have, as the Swiss say, a corner knocked off."
What a remarkable thing to have a noted therapist say (in the title to the book) that therapy doesn't help, we are all flawed and you can't get better! And yet it may well be true that right now you need relief from intolerable stress, or a facilitator for couples counseling, or a different perspective on a personal or family tragedy, or help in dealing with the intricacies of a dilemma you are in. Maybe you have a psychological hurdle such as an obsession, an addiction, or some other self-defeating behavior to overcome
James Hillman doesn't believe that therapy doesn't work. Rather, he believes that this kind of individual soul-work needs to take the soul of the world into account in any healing that is to be done. This is not religious talk, though that might be needed too. If we are molded by the environment we live in and the environment is unhealthy, we need to treat both the environment and ourselves, says Hillman.
All is not Lost
To make ourselves better we need to concern ourselves with the outside world too. In other words, if an inhumane and depersonalized career drives you to a compulsion to vandalize luxury cars, learning not to destroy the property of others won't be enough to bring you peace. Like 'whack-a-mole,' the emotional dysfunction will pop up in some other form, such as a substance addiction or sabotaging a relationship.
The grail of emotional health calls us to engage in work that is emotionally nourishing and to work to make a living environment for ourselves where monster trucks are not so important as they are today. I bid you my regrets if your career is monster trucks. You are not alone.
The eccentricity we all possess produces in us a resistance to therapy. We seek to protect the precious things that we are now. But when the world becomes a lead weight across our shoulders, we need to adapt, and to seek new ways of being, or at least of seeing. Better that than to be dragged to the bottom by seemingly immutable circumstance, by the weight of our fears, by the oppression of our own thoughts and feelings.
Questions to Ask
Given all this, how do you find a counselor you can trust with your psyche? One would hope to be in the care of someone saner than we, ourselves, are. But how well qualified to heal us is someone who claims no firsthand experience with emotional distress? So one hopes first of all for a counselor who has been to the mountain, so to speak- someone who has met his demons and has them in check. Ask him. Do you have a preferred style of therapy, such as group therapy? Does the counselor offer that? Do you have a favored author as a role model? Does your prospective counselor know who Dr. Phil is, or Dr. Laura? If that is important to you, you should ask.
Just because you have issues to work out doesn't mean you can't make informed choices. Ask the therapist about his or her qualifications and education. Does she have a specialty? Does he have experience with problems like yours? You can describe it in layman's terms. Describe it in the third person if that helps you feel comfortable. That's a good way, too, to broach the subject before starting counseling without revealing too much about yourself too quickly. It may be an old saw to tell about 'my good friend who has this problem' but it will do in a pinch.
Caveat Emptor - Let the Buyer Be Wary
It's a good idea to remember that you are a paying customer with a right to satisfaction and demonstrable results - that shouldn't be difficult with your regular cancelled checks to remind you! Mutual openness and trust are very important in counseling, probably the single most important aspects of the care. But an old saw might be useful too - "Keep an open mind but not so open your brains fall out."
Some discomfort is likely in therapy, even necessary. But if it is just more discomfort than you can take, or if the therapist becomes unethical or unprofessional, find and move on to the care of another in a way that leaves you with a clear conscience.
Your counseling may be covered by your health insurance. Your HR department is the place to ask what percentage of your costs will be covered, which providers qualify and whether there is a limit on the total time or cost in which to complete treatment. Also, if you are having couples counseling, will you both be covered? While therapy is no cause for shame, depending on what kind of employer you have and what your job is, you may be want to consider paying for therapy privately even though you are covered. Authenticity and openness are important keys to happiness, but in the real world a kleptomaniac accountant can't afford to let those two lives intersect!
