Could You Lose Your Legal Right to Visit Your Grandkids?
By Teresa Ambord
If you are like most grandparents, you value the time you spend with your grandchildren. If the relationship is healthy, there is mutual benefit. And if you suddenly lost your ability to see each other, chances are, you’d both suffer harm. But in today’s world, that’s a real possibility. Families break up. Marriages end. Partners suffer illness or accident and die… or just leave. When that happens, sometimes the grandparents get locked out. Suppose your son or daughter was undergoing a bitter divorce, and as a result, you were no longer welcome to visit your grandchildren. What would you do?
There are some legal remedies. But more and more, the rights of non-parents to visit are being challenged in the courts. Each of the 50 states has legislation that deals with grandparent visitation rights, though there is wide variation among laws. At one end of the spectrum, grandparents can only seek legal visitation rights if their grandchild’s parents are divorced, or if one has died. On the opposite end of the spectrum, grandparents can petition the court for visitation even when the parents marriage is intact. Regardless of the level of regulation, the main issue that courts consider is always the best interest of the child.
If visiting your grandchildren is a problem due to a contentious relationship with one or both of their parents, here are some things to remember:
- Keep the lines of communication open. If you can maintain contact with your grandkids, it will be worth biting your tongue when disputes arise. Hopefully in time, the parents will realize how valuable you are in their childrens’ lives.
- If a divorce is the cause of the severed ties, ask the parents for a visitation schedule. But don’t insist on having it your way or you may lose completely.
- Work hard to develop a bond with your grandkids. If the courts are allowed to decide on visitation, they will consider the level of involvement you had in the grandkids’ lives.
- You might suggest family counseling for the adults so you can sort out the issues without the children present. Your willingness to bend might save the children from being exposed to a lot of bitterness.
- If you can’t see your grandkids, do your best to stay in touch through calls and letters. And keep a journal of your efforts. Again, if the worst happens and you have to go to court to establish visitation, the judge will want to see documented evidence (including witnesses if possible) that you did your best to make contact.
If you must seek legal help, consider mediation. Mediation is a much less harsh remedy and allows an affordable way for the parties to work out a solution that may suit everyone involved.
Noted author on grandparent’s rights, Dr. Arthur Kornhaber, has these tips for grandparents who are at risk of losing visitation:
- Concentrate on eliminating the problems, not the people who are causing them. Use every option, including professional help.
- Remember that the conflicts may be temporary and forgiveness is vital. Research shows that most parents who banish the grandparents regret it eventually. That kind of separation is painful for all involved.
- If you lose your visitation rights, it may be small comfort, but history shows that once they come of age, your grandchildren will probably reconcile with you on their own.
- Kids need both you and their parents. If you are causing the problem by being angry, ask yourself if the anger is worth the terrible loss.
- Litigation should be a last resort. It only enhances the misery and it might enforce a permanent solution on what could be a temporary problem.
Log onto this Web site to find books about “grandparent power” that you may find helpful:
To find out what factors your state legislation considers when establishing visitation rights, log onto:
For more resources:
- Grandparentsrights.org
- Grandparents' Rights Organization
100 W. Long Lake Rd. Ste. 250
Bloomfield Hills MI 48304
(248) 646-7191 - The National Coalition of Grandparents at (608) 238-8751
