Should You Move in With Your Children?
By Sherril Steele-Carlin
It is never an easy decision for seniors to give up their home and independence to move in with their children. It is a decision that must be well thought out and discussed. Not only are the seniors' lives affected, the lives of the family and their children are affected. Often, the family with an older dependent parent is quite willing to help out with caregiving initially, but when weeks stretch into months and years, tempers can wear thin, and family relationships may suffer.
Problems
Caregiving is never a simple process. As time continues, family members may find they need a break, and problems may occur in the family. Some of these problems include low morale, interruption of the normal operations of the house, family, social and leisure activities, and even exhaustion and depression if the caregiving continues without a break for long lengths of time.
Continued caring for Alzheimer's patients or those with debilitating diseases can be especially challenging. Sometimes the elder feels like a burden on his or her family, and has feelings of guilt or shame. There is often a lack of privacy between family members, and some members may feel they have been pushed out of their traditional roles in the family. While there are problems with families who provide care for their elders, there are many advantages, too.
Enjoy the Advantages
Multi-generational families enjoy many things that other families do not. Elders have the chance to really interact with their children and grandchildren, and have the ability to pass on some of their own history and family values. They also can develop much better relationships with the family, and develop respect between the generations. The combined families can share resources and even incomes, too.
Questions to Ask
Before you move in with a family member, make sure you ask yourself some important questions, first:
- Can you get in-home services in your area? If so, you may be able to keep your home, and stay independent.
- What are your medical or special needs, and can your family meet those needs?
- How strong is your family relationship?
- Will there be enough privacy for everyone?
- Is remodeling necessary? (An extra room, wheelchair ramp, etc.).
Clearly, moving two families together under one roof can be challenging, but it is happening more and more in loving, caring families, and it can work if both families discuss the options and the challenges before making this life-changing choice.