Teen Dating: Is It Love Or Infatuation?
By Teresa Ambord
An important part of becoming an adult is learning to love. That's where dating comes in. You're experimenting to see what kind of people you're most attracted to. You're learning how to form romantic relationships. But often teenagers fall into infatuation and, with no real basis for comparison, it's easy to think you're in love. So how can you tell the difference?
Love or Infatuation?
Infatuation may leave you speechless, with a dry mouth, butterflies in your stomach, sweaty palms. It's exciting, intoxicating, and intense. But none of those things is a guarantee that you're in love or will be in love.
To love someone involves really knowing them, the good and the not-so-good. When you love someone you genuinely care about their daily welfare, and that includes respecting their feelings and their choices. In fact, real love is more about the other person than about yourself. If each of you is looking at the relationship that way, both of you will have your real needs met. Putting the other person first does not mean that you rush into sex because your partner says he/she needs it. Real love waits till you're both ready.
If your relationship is going to last, it has to be healthy. Here's a partial list from the Teen Health Centre to help you know if your relationship is healthy or unhealthy. See the complete list by clicking here:
What is a healthy relationship?
- Your partner listens to your thoughts and feelings.
- You feel safe being with your partner, both alone and with others.
- Your partner encourages you to spend time with your friends and family when you want to.
- You decide together when, and if, to have sex.
- Your partner allows you to make your own decisions and supports you in those decisions.
- You feel happy, loved, and satisfied in your relationship.
- Your partner encourages you to maintain those things that are important to you, and to pursue your individual interests.
- Your partner is respectful towards you when alone and with others.
- Your partner recognizes your strengths and accomplishments and gives you credit for them.
What is an unhealthy relationship?
- You feel like you cannot live without your partner.
- You stop seeing other friends or family, or give up activities you enjoy because your partner doesn't like them.
- You feel like you have to "walk on eggshells" to keep your partner from getting angry.
- You are afraid to tell your partner your thoughts or feelings about the relationship.
- You stop expressing opinions if your partner doesn't agree with them.
- You feel that you are the only one who can help your partner and that you should try to change him/her.
Also from the Teen Health Centre, here's a quiz question for you to think about and answer.
Is this statement true or false? Jealousy is a sign of love.
If you answered true, give it some more thought. Here's what Teen Health Centre says: "Despite what your partner may tell you, jealousy indicates that your partner does not trust you and this often stems from their feelings of low self-esteem or feelings of unworthiness."
If You're confused:
If you're a teen who is confused about love and dating the best thing to do is ask your parents. No matter what you think, they were teenagers once too. But if you feel you want to ask a question anonymously, go to: