Keep Communication Open to Counteract Negative Peer Pressure
By Teresa Ambord
Long before kids hit teenage, peer pressure becomes a factor in their development. According to studies, middle school age children seem to be the most vulnerable. But as kids fight within themselves to become adults, they begin to practice taking risks in order to break out of the protected world most parents try to create. If parents are lucky, those risks might be trying out for sports teams, or learning to play guitar or drums for an audience. Or it could mean being vulnerable to experimenting with drugs and alcohol, smoking, or sex.
Some experts say that parents give peer pressure too much credit, believing that kids have little or no power over outside influences. In one-on-one conversation with kids, teenagers indicate that they make conscious choices to be more like their friends, perhaps by striving for good grades or excelling in sports. Or taking up smoking or other bad habits. Blending in with a certain group gives them a sense of power and position.
How can you minimize the effects of negative peer pressure?
Experts in the field of adolescent development say communication plays a huge part in fighting the effects of negative peer pressure. If you can instill in your kids a sense of self-esteem, they will be less likely to experiment with dangerous behaviors. Teenagers whose parents talk to them regularly and are willing to listen as well, are at much less risk. Sure it's hard to listen when your teenager prattles on about endless details. But everyone needs to know that what they have to say is important, especially to key people in their lives. Parents of teens may no longer believe it, but their kids still value their opinions, even if they won't say it.
What do you talk about with your teen?
Talk about ways to avoid dangerous and awkward situations. One mother gave her son a last-ditch way out, and he used it. Like most parents, she taught him to walk away from situations where there were drugs or other dangers. But, she told him, if the peer pressure was too enormous, he had her permission to blame her for not participating. If all else failed, he could say "my mom always knows when I mess up and then she'll make my life miserable." Or, "my mom is so unreasonable, it's not worth the hassle she'll put me through if I get caught, and she always catches me." Of course, that should be a last resort, because you want your kids to stand on their own two feet. But when they can't, at least if they blame you, they'll avoid the danger.
What about influences like hairstyles, clothes, and music?
If kids have good self-esteem, they won't be so quick to follow the crowd. But as long as the hair or clothes or music aren't dangerous, does it really matter? If your kids are keeping their grades up, not getting involved in smoking or drinking, or other risky behaviors, why fight about it? Purple hair is temporary. Maybe it's better to pick your battles and save the arguments for issues that matter. After all, if you initiate a power struggle over every little thing, your kids may not take you seriously when it counts.
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