Teenage and Pregnant: Now What?

By Teresa Ambord

Whether you’re a teen who is pregnant or the parent of a teen who is pregnant, you may be in a muddle of emotion. Here are some tips and some resources to help you face the important issues that are facing you.

Teens: Telling your family that you are pregnant

Before you do anything else, confirm that you really are pregnant. One of the first questions your family will probably ask is, “are you sure you’re pregnant?”

Anytime you have to break news that might be disturbing, start by putting yourself in the other person’s place.  Your parents may react badly at first because they had certain expectations of your future which will now probably change.

You don’t have to rush.  Take a little time by yourself to think about the future, but don’t take too long.  There’s a good chance your parents already suspect you are hiding something.

They may be shocked, or angry, or they may cry. But give them time and they’ll probably come around to being supportive.  Chances are, you are their first concern.

If you can’t deal with a face-to-face conversation, try writing a simple letter.  If you think they may say hurtful things, tell them your fears in the letter, but without anger.   You might say, “I’m afraid you’re going to kick me out when you read what I have to say.”  Many cities have crisis pregnancy centers or adoption services where counselors can help you get your thoughts on paper. They may even be able to go with you when you talk to your parents.

If you are still nervous, you might first break the news to a trusted older friend or relative and ask them to tell your parents.  Then soon afterwards, you should sit down with them face-to-face and talk to your family yourself.

Whatever questions you have can probably be answered by caring people who are there to help.   Look in the yellow pages of your local phone book under “Pregnancy.”  Many areas have crisis pregnancy centers, or pregnancy-counseling centers with people trained who will help you find answers… or just listen if that’s what you need.

Parents:  You just found out your daughter is pregnant, now what?

When you discover your daughter (or your son’s girlfriend) is pregnant, remember that as upsetting as it may be to you, chances are, she is full of conflict and worry.   Counselors suggest that the first thing you should do is let her talk out all her thoughts and concern, and just listen.

Keep in mind, even though she may come to you for guidance, the ultimate decision of what to do has to be hers.

You can help her find resources, such as a counselor and a good doctor.  Look in the yellow pages under pregnancy counseling.  Many communities have crisis pregnancy centers that can provide a wide variety of assistance, including the names of trusted physicians.

Encourage your daughter to stay in school. Regardless of her decision, she’ll need that diploma.  Many schools make allowance for pregnant students, or provide a separate school she can attend with other girls who are expecting.

Do what you can to help her get the counseling and the pregnancy/parenting education she needs.

Whatever you do, be sure she knows you love and support her.   Chances are, this is not the path she would have chosen for herself, but this is the path she is on and she needs you desperately.

Just as for teenagers, parents who need to talk or find answers can look in the yellow pages under “Pregnancy” and find local resources, including someone who will just listen.